Before this day, everyone envisions how they plan for it to go. Laughs, sips of wine, plenty of food to feed an army, and a genuine good time with the family- blood or not. Just a day to forget about the nonsense, and enjoy being with the ones you love. Maybe that’s not everyone’s vision, but that was mine. After years of dealing with my mothers addiction, and wishing for us to be together for the holidays- I’m starting to feel like “I need to be careful of what I ask for” 6 months of her in recovery, the entire summer of not talking to my little brother, and being the link between my mom and one of her best friends- I really thought this holiday was going to be happy. Even if it was just for 24 hours- all I wanted was for the “element” of family to exist. Sure we have issues, and issues that need to be resolved; but I really thought that we were all going to pull it together, and make this happen. But my dream blew up in my fucking face!
Already irritated because I did all of the cooking myself, I looked beyond that and held it together because I just wanted this moment- but it looks like as much of a poker face I put on- things still managed to crumble.
As I mentioned my mom’s in recovery, so the rehabilitation center that she is located at- of course has a no tolerance policy for substances legal and not legal.- So she gets here and sure we have some alcohol in the house- it’s the holidays right! Well she takes it to the extreme and manages to get pissy drunk right before guest were supposed to arrive. So to spare the embarrassment, we had to cancel our dinner! All this fuckin food I made, the money spent, and the effort to make this day possible- all pissed down the drain. It’s upsetting, because today meant a lot to me. I looked forward to this day, and was so excited- that I didn’t allow myself to expect the worse. Which is where I went wrong.
To everyone else, all I can say is appreciate your family and cherish the good moments, because there comes a point where those will remain memories- and when things change, they don’t go back to what you’re used too.
Happy Turkey Day Beauties 🙂