Anger, Fury, Rage- are all characteristics that embody us when we refuse to forgive. The longevity of it depends on the level of deceit and deception; a week, month,even years.
“Anger is one letter away from danger”
“Bitterness is like cancer, eating upon the host”
What I’m starting to learn is that these emotions marinate within us, when we don’t allow ourselves to go through the grieving process. Whether its through crying, yelling, or writing- when we don’t give ourselves the time and opportunity ti release our anger, it can lead to destruction. I’ve learned that my issue is being instantly forgiving. When I’ve been hurt, and received an apology; forgiveness is instantly given. I don’t think twice about it. I always figured that if God can forgive us all, even murderers, child molesters, etc- then who am I to not forgive anyone.
I know the way I’m thinking about it is right-but my actions are wrong. I rarely voice my feelings, and when I do, I try to keep them to a minimum because I don’t want to make anyone feel that I may have said they were forgiven, just to throw it in their face. Maturity,is getting me to recognize that I have to allow myself to be angry and to cry about it. Once you have truly forgiven someone, then you are able to start rebuilding trust. -even that’s not easy because at times, we allow our minds to run wild-which will make us go insane.
The quote above really spoke to me, because it’s the truth. When you carry the pain, because you deem it impossible to forgive someone- you are killing yourself. Your spirit dies and your heart becomes cold. This is no way to live. Many people in my life would say- I put up with a lot. Maybe things that I should never consider- but that is who I am. I know that I hate not being forgiven, grudges being held against me, and someone who reminds me of my past- so in this aspect i try to live by the golden rule. Sure there are going to be randoms who try to destroy your path, but if someone you love has hurt you- ask yourself if its worth letting go? After all the time you spent sharing memories, building bonds, tackling life [together]- is it worth walking away from? Sometimes I feel like my willingness to forgive is a blesssing and a curse, because I know that there are many that have crossed me, should have never bee given a second chance- but that’s not for me to decide. But as I read in Matthews 6, if we don’t forgive, we will not be forgiven-and if we judge others, we will be judged by the same criteria.