again i have neglected you all! i’m sorry. My personal life has been spinning out of control. when you cant even find comfort inside of your own home-it makes living life hard. Your mind can never be clear and at ease. I typically don’t discuss the negativity in my personal life because I don’t want to be judged. Yet I’ve realized that by telling my story, I can help a lot of people who may be going through the same thing, but just don’t know it.
a quick synopsis….May 2011 i met the love of my life who is older and wiser than me. Aug 2011 I was made aware of my mother’s addiction from others, other than her. Oct 2011 i was betrayed by mother in one of the worst ways possible….
and here we are today,
if you know anything about addicts, all they care about is their habit. Family, Career, and even God doesn’t matter. So all the books and counselors say “don’t be upset, its their addiction” Its so easy for people to give advice on something they really know nothing about. They make addiction seem like a third world country! Yet those who are getting high, make a conscience decision to go out, fuck people over, and get high. and thats something my mother, who is an addict, told me. But she wants help though? No she just wants to buy time to keep her ass out of jail.
you know, she wasn’t always this way. I wasn’t raised in a drug infested household. My mother was a single parent and did it without the help of my father. She obtained her BA in Sociology and her Associates in Liberal Arts. But when he met her former husband, in 2009- she has been the person he has created, and not the woman I was raised with. I feel like the woman who raised me, died years ago. and now there’s this demon that has taken over her flesh.
I’m telling you all whats going on because I know I can help someone. Even if its only one person. But no one should have to deal with this blindly. I thank God for Darrin, who is my everything. He gave me knowledge even when i didn’t want it. He has been my support system,shoulder to cry on,and confidant. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t know where I would be. I refuse to let my family history serve as my crutch, instead I will use it to help and educate others, and a reminder of what our (Darrin&I) family will Not be.
I hope everyone has a great day, and even if it started off wrong (like mines) just smile, and say a prayer. Trust me it works.