turn negatives in positives& frowns upside down

I’m sure we all know what a bad day feels like. everything goes wrong- lost job, family issues, relationship rocky. It’s the worst domino effect ever! Makes you wonder if shit is worth it. Grinding for the dream, makes life a headache- but if it was meant to be easy, everyone would be walking around here feeling complete, not understanding what it’s like to put in work, to receive a greater reward.
I say that to say, after the shitty week i had- i found out that when one door closes, bigger ones open. A better paying job, where the earning potential is endless, and a career opportunity that will work towards building my brand. So taking the mature stance and actually applying what i learned from my mistakes- had a great payout. Instead of moping around like majority of people, looking for pity- I got on my grind and made something happen. I recognized my faults, made moves to correct it- and found something better in process.
It is times like this, that I have to take a step back and have faith. Most of us are guilty of turning to god when things go wrong. That’s when we want to sit, pray, and ask for something. (for those who believe) We have to do better! Stop and thank him for the ability to walk, we may not have it all but we have what we need to create a better situation. Sometimes he will take things from you, just to see your reaction- and if you apply what you learn; he replaces it with something better.

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Advice From Little Brother

It’s amazing what lessons we can learn when we step outside of our ways, and take the time to listen. Many people feel that just because they are older, that someone younger is not able to give them advice. Well, unlike many- I realized that my little brother is not a boy anymore. He’s a man, and based off his life experiences- he can reach me in ways that my girlfriends can’t. In a nutshell we are both going through relationship transitions. His relationship, where it was his first experience at love- just ended. As he is going through the motions- he sees where it was for the better. Mine- I think is over as well- which is hard because when your with someone for 5 years and regardless of the bs- still willing to work it out- there comes a time when you have to step up and realize that disrespect (direct/indirect) is not acceptable. Trust plays a major factor, but I always feel like that can be rebuilt- that’s just who I am as a person. My reality check is when you ride till the wheels fall off- but when there comes a time when you are down, and you look for your partner to be there, as you were..- and they don’t surface… (especially when you have a history of having abandonment issues) Then its time to stand on your own two feet, but as a result- you end up trusting NO ONE.

So last week there was a moment where my brother and I were confiding in each other. As I was venting to him about my feelings and how im looking like wtf now?? He told me, ” Cam, don’t worry about any nigga right now. Just worry about you, getting your career started, and focus on you. Be that woman that men are intimidated by. Put your all into yourself” After he said that, I went silent. Here is my little brother seeing me, better than I can imagine me. Since that conversation, I’ve been as strong as I ever been. I have my mind on my future all the time, and work towards that. Love hurts, Break-ups suck, the emotions are a bitch to deal with- but those words that my brother said- keep me going.

Just remember Beauties- just because someone is younger than you, or comes from a different cloth; doesnt mean they don’t know what they’re talking about. Sometimes you just need to Shut up and Listen

The Not so Thankful, Thanksgiving…

Before this day, everyone envisions how they plan for it to go. Laughs, sips of wine, plenty of food to feed an army, and a genuine good time with the family- blood or not. Just a day to forget about the nonsense, and enjoy being with the ones you love. Maybe that’s not everyone’s vision, but that was mine. After years of dealing with my mothers addiction, and wishing for us to be together for the holidays- I’m starting to feel like “I need to be careful of what I ask for” 6 months of her in recovery, the entire summer of not talking to my little brother, and being the link between my mom and one of her best friends- I really thought this holiday was going to be happy. Even if it was just for 24 hours- all I wanted was for the “element” of family to exist. Sure we have issues, and issues that need to be resolved; but I really thought that we were all going to pull it together, and make this happen. But my dream blew up in my fucking face!
Already irritated because I did all of the cooking myself, I looked beyond that and held it together because I just wanted this moment- but it looks like as much of a poker face I put on- things still managed to crumble.
As I mentioned my mom’s in recovery, so the rehabilitation center that she is located at- of course has a no tolerance policy for substances legal and not legal.- So she gets here and sure we have some alcohol in the house- it’s the holidays right! Well she takes it to the extreme and manages to get pissy drunk right before guest were supposed to arrive. So to spare the embarrassment, we had to cancel our dinner! All this fuckin food I made, the money spent, and the effort to make this day possible- all pissed down the drain. It’s upsetting, because today meant a lot to me. I looked forward to this day, and was so excited- that I didn’t allow myself to expect the worse. Which is where I went wrong.

To everyone else, all I can say is appreciate your family and cherish the good moments, because there comes a point where those will remain memories- and when things change, they don’t go back to what you’re used too.

Happy Turkey Day Beauties 🙂

Second Chances Don’t Come Too Often…

God forces you, to appreciate the little moments, that make wonderful memories-because you never know when he will call you home.

God forces you, to appreciate the little moments, that make wonderful memories-because you never know when he will call you home.

Novemember 17,2014 – Is a day I will never forget, for the rest of my days. I woke up- and when my boyfriend text me- I instantly gave him an attiude. Since 8am we had been going back and forth- for what? I can’t even recall. Maybe I was upset at him from the day before, however that’s still no excuse. He was planning to come spend the day with me, however the pointless arguing- took up half of the day; and he was still coming. So Of course- me being impacient and just wanting him here- I gave him attitude. Denying that he was coming. Rushing him- with the terrible weather. Just a terrible mood. Well the last time I had spoke to him- without traffic he was 15 minutes away from my house. There was major traffic due to an accident, so that is what was causing the hold up. So about 5 hours go by- with me blowing up his phone, freaking out, and I hear nothing from him. Finally the 6th hour rolls around, and he text me telling me he is on the way to the hospital- because he got in a car accident. Someone hit him from behind, and he thought it was over for him. He was so thankful to be alive.
As he’s telling me this- all I could do was cry- tears of sadness, regret, selfishness, and thankfulness. Just the image that popped in my head, terrified me. The pure thought of him passing, sent chills through my body. This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with- and to know that he could have been gone forever, horrifies me. Even as I think about it now. I felt regret and selfishness because just to think if those were his last moments here-I would have to live with the fact that I was shitty to him during his last day here. Thankful because god allowed him to still be here, and I have a chance to make right.
That day has forced me to take a greater appreciation for everything, and to stop taking our relationship for granted. I know of people, as I’m sure you do as well- who would do anything just to get a moment with a loved one that’s passed. We never know, when God’s ready for you to leave this Earth. I know we are all human, and relationships are never perfect, but you have to always make it right,don’t hold grudges, and make sure that that person knows you love them.
I thank god daily for the people I love, and regardless of the issues. I don’t ever want to go to sleep mad at anyone. Guilt is a serious weight to carry- and I still have guilt about my baby’s car accident. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Use my experience as a learning tool.

Friendships vs. Relationships: A terrible game of tug-of-war, or a jealous rant?

Due to recent events, I was inspired to write this blog. Whether you know from personal experience or heard stories from friends; we are all aware of the strain relationships and friendships can cause when mixed in the same jar. Wisdom teaches us how to handle these situations, due to experience. There are many types of conflicts that can arise from this terrible mix, depending on who’s the culprit. .

So here’s the scenario in a nut shell: boy meets girl. girl and boy get together. girl meets his friends. He meets her friends. boy plays his role… & truth eventually is pushed out.

I know that was very vague, but i needed to make that as simple as possible- to discuss my point. First I believe people already know if they have ill intentions, once they’ve heard about you. Either they are going to genuinely get to know you, and decide whether they like you or not, OR they are going to realize the role you play in that persons life, realize they can’t fill those shoes, and then attempt to sabotage it when they see a window of opportunity. It’s said that you never know who is next to you, until they are in the wrong and it’s brought to light.- either they own it-where drama is nonexistent. or they go on a rant blaming everyone else, and bringing others down just to build themselves up. The battle get more intense, when loyalty comes into play.

so how do the parties involved handle this situation? Well that all depends on the circumstance. In this case- you have to be a good judge of character and consider everything up until that point. If you know someone to have been real with you since day one-good, bad, or indifferent- trust them. Thus far, loyalty has been proven, intentions never questioned. For the guy that’s angry- calm down no one is perfect. But at the same time- stay focused on why you’re pissed. write it down if you have to, and read it out loud. If it sounds as stupid as your actions- drop it! temper tantrums, and talking bad about someone will never change the fact that you were wrong. So someone else’s negativity or misfortunes may sound appealing to you because you can’t handle being wrong- but at the end of the day, someone else’s circumstance will never change your actions. For the friend- stay loyal. At the end of the day, you know the friendship that has been established, and the foundation has already been established. Don’t feed into the bullshit, even if negativity is spoken on your name,attempting to tarnish other’s vision of you- because loyalty will out-weigh all of that.

that’s all for now beauties.

Forgiving is Living

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Anger, Fury, Rage- are all characteristics that embody us when we refuse to forgive. The longevity of it depends on the level of deceit and deception; a week, month,even years.

“Anger is one letter away from  danger”

“Bitterness is like cancer, eating upon the host”

What I’m starting to learn is that these emotions marinate within us, when we don’t allow ourselves to go through the grieving process. Whether its through crying, yelling, or writing- when we don’t give ourselves the time and opportunity ti release our anger, it can lead to destruction. I’ve learned that my issue is being instantly forgiving. When I’ve been hurt, and received an apology; forgiveness is instantly given. I don’t think twice about it. I always figured that if God can forgive us all, even murderers, child molesters, etc- then who am I to not forgive anyone.

I know the way I’m thinking about it is right-but my actions are wrong. I rarely voice my feelings, and when I do, I try to keep them to a minimum because I don’t want to make anyone feel that I may have said they were forgiven, just to throw it in their face. Maturity,is getting me to recognize that I have to allow myself to be angry and to cry about it. Once you have truly forgiven someone, then you are able to start rebuilding trust. -even that’s not easy because at times, we allow our minds to run wild-which will make us go insane.

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The quote above really spoke to me, because it’s the truth. When you carry the pain, because you deem it impossible to forgive someone- you are killing yourself. Your spirit dies and your heart becomes cold. This is no way to live. Many people in my life would say- I put up with a lot. Maybe things that I should never consider- but that is who I am. I know that I hate not being forgiven, grudges being held against me, and someone who reminds me of my past- so in this aspect i try to live by the golden rule. Sure there are going to be randoms who try to destroy your path, but if someone you love has hurt you- ask yourself if its worth letting go? After all the time you spent sharing memories, building bonds, tackling life [together]- is it worth walking away from?  Sometimes I feel like my willingness to forgive is a blesssing and a curse, because I know that there are many that have crossed me, should have never bee given a second chance- but that’s not for me to decide. But as I read in Matthews 6, if we don’t forgive, we will not be forgiven-and if we judge others, we will be judged by the same criteria.

Outgrowing Friendships

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Hey Beauties,
It’s been awhile since I’ve actually done a personal blog. i have been keeping up with the Michael Brown case and the ISIS events- that I’ve neglected to vent about my own experiences. Well today I want to touch on “out-growing friendships”-some of you may be able to relate, while others of you are puzzled. Well I’m sure all of us has attempted one way or another to rekindle a friendship. Whether it’s because you lost contact, had a fall out, or life took its course and you all just parted ways. Sometimes all works for the best- and then you have the moment where, you’ve tried so hard to get into contact with that person; and when you do you kick yourself in the ass-saying “why the hell did I do this to myself!” (a little dramatic, but you get my point..)
Once thing I’ve learned is that we all grown up differently, for some it takes the worst happening for them to grow up. Some are raised with a silver spoon in their mouth, and don’t know the true meaning of responsibility. So for two people to have grown up two different ways- they are not always going to see eye-to-eye. I’ve had my fair share of realizing a friendship has been out grown- yet in this case I think its much different. I’ve grown to believe that her and I are circumstantial friends. We became close in high school. I was the new girl that no one knew, and didn’t have anyone who had my back. She was the struggling math student, who needed her trigonometry class to graduate. We indirectly made a trade, I helped her pass the class, and she became a “friend”. After high school we went our separate ways and barley kept contact. Her we are 7 years later- and I feel as though I should have kept the friendship where it was- in the past! There are control issues, and I feel as though when I don’t act or do what she wants- then I’m mistreated. I think sometimes we have to learn the hard way to understand. And after this nonsense, I can say this is a learning lesson.

well beauties I hope everyone is having a good day, and if you’re not- it’s still early enough to make it better!

Ignorance Makes Headlines, While Real Concerns Are Pushed Aside.

Im sure we are all aware of the Ray Rice incident, that has been a trending topic all throughout social media, newspapers, and news channels. This unfortunate event that occurred back n February- is just now being brought to the surface. Now in no way, shape, or form am I undermining domestic violence- I DO NOT condone it in anyway! It’s just frustrating me that the domestic violence isn’t the issue that’s getting so much attention. It is the fact that the NFL didn’t react sooner, or his punishment is too harsh, or the fact that his termination is no way to help his wife-everyone has seem to put real issues behind them- and glorifying negativity.
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So did we all just forget about Michael Brown? Or what about the two journalist that were recently beheaded, or the fact that with this ISIS group-it looks like we are about to have another World War?! As soon as this nonsense hit the media, all other issues have been swept under the rug. All of this attention he is getting is not helping or teaching him a lesson. He’s used to the attention- and the media is giving him exactly what he wants. His goal is to stay relevant. Many will argue and say they are trying to “bring justice to his wife and show that she has supporters”- that’s BS. Let’s be honest, if she wanted to get away-this would be the perfect time. All the media has Rice under a close watch, they are all over the headlines; so this wouldn’t be the time for him to lash out on her- yet she’s by his side. She has been a victim of domestic violence, however after their counseling sessions, she not only decided to stay, but she allowed herself to exchange vows with him, becoming his wife. We only know the information released to us, not the full story; so most of what we read or hear is speculation based off the information provided.

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Yes! The video that was released was horrifying! It’s hard to watch, and I know it has to be hard for Janay to watch, and hear about. Because you have to think, she’s not just hearing it from the media, she is probably going through hell with her family. For someone who has experienced domestic violence, I know when it took place, if she told her family- she told them the bare minimum and more than likely didn’t include the part where things got physical. She’s under scrutiny from everyone, but if she decided to forgive him and move forward – then the world must do the same.

Again there are many things that we as a nation have to put our energy towards. When Mrs. Rice is ready to change her current situation, she will. The world, media, or society cannot make that decision for her. How about there’s a new witness in the Michael Brown case. There are construction workers who were working the day Brown was killed, and witnessed the incident. A father in South Carolina is being held and charged for the deaths of 5 children. These are all issues that need to be discussed, yet silence remains. We need to give attention to these issues and the families for the victims.

Atlanta Hawks Being sold, due to racist owner.

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After hearing the tape that was leaked for the entire world, Donald Sterling was forced to sell his team. When things started to spiral with the media, many of his colleagues- they openly voiced their opinion. Saying how they couldn’t work with a person who has that mindset. One of the major voices of that scandal was, Bruce Levenson- owner of the Atlanta Hawks. Apparently him and Sterling were partners, and in an interview he stated “I can’t be partners with someone who shares those views.” Like i say all the time , “he was throwing stones, living in a glass house” But Karma(the evil bitch she is)came back around. However I really want to call it stupidity- this fool sent an email saying in detail how he felt about Africa Americans. In a nut shell hes says how black people are scaring off the white fans; which are more valuable. Which I don’t understand, because if the statistics he gave in his email are true, then how would “white people” be more valuable. He said blacks make up 70% of the audience, and 90% of the bars at the stadium…so if were judging business off of race now, then where’s the value? Levenson really put his foot in his mouth in this email. I’m just confused on how the email was sent in 2012- yet we are just seeing this come to light. I guess he learned from the Sterling scandal to walk away quietly. He is selling the team, instead of being voted out.
It’s really making me sick how we still have this racial divide. Whites blaming black and vise versa. It’s just like seriously? As a country we are going through hell, and a nation we are experiencing chaos, and as individuals we are trying to survive. Other nations refer to us as the weakest country- however everyone wants to sit back and wonder why. If we can’t stand together now- is it ever going to happen?

Check out the video from CNN, for details as to what happened.I was not able to get the link to show you guys the email-but it’s available on CNN website.
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Gone Too Soon-Simone Battle; A Star on the Rise

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Most known for showcasing her talents on X-Factor (2011), regretably at 25, the you star has passed away. According to reports, at 8:30am police found her hanging on a rod in her closet. Many are assuming suicide, however with the autospy reports pending- no offical cause of death has been given.
It’s just sad to see another member of our youth go. It seems like our generation is dropping like flies. Regardless of the cause, we shouldn’t have to look around and wonder if the people we went to high school with are going to be here in 10 years. After Simone’s success with the X-Factor, she was named a member of GRL- which is a group created by Robin Antin; creator or the Pussycat Dolls. Simone is described by many as a charasmatic woman who was just as beautiful inside as is was on the out. My condolences go out to the Battle family. The world has lost and angel.

Rest is Paradise Beautiful
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